I Hope (A Love Letter)

I hope this finds you before you find me.

I hope you can take it that I am not the ideal homebody. I can cook a little, keep house a little, but I can never be Martha Stewart. If you would lovingly remind me that you are running out of clean shirts, I will try to keep up with the laundry schedule.

I hope you can stand that my expressions of love are limited. I can be generous with words and my time. So help me know how you want to be loved.

I hope you can bear that I am intrusive. That I would wish to know what is going on in your head. You can gently remind me that your thoughts are your own but please don't fence me out.

I hope you will try to read my mind. It is impossible, I know. But as they say, there is no harm in trying.

I hope, by now, you already know how women are wired. We are cry-ers. We cry in the movies. We cry over facebook posts. We cry over lost earrings. We cry even at the slightest provocations. Or none at all. Don't panic.

I hope you have come to terms with the fact that I am of a certain age. And if we let biology dictate, there are some joys we won't be able to experience. But God has promised we will never lack. We will never be short of joy.

I hope you will be comfortable that I am happy. That you are not a factor to that. You can only make me happier, but never unhappy.

I hope you can accept my strengths. That there are things I can do on my own. That you would not take it as weakness when sometimes, I would not feel the need for you.

I hope you will not cower when I need you; To fix a broken  stove or annihilate rats; To  be the person who will tell me I look good; To calm my fears of not being enough for you.

I hope you can be comfortable to stay in the shadows sometimes. I would not wish to, but I am certain there will be days when I will outshine you. I pray you are the kind who would not be threatened when the light is cast on me. Remember, you are my sun. The moon only borrows its light from the sun.

I hope you will be patient with me. Some days, you will wake up to a stranger beside you. I am a hundred layers of something. I will make you cry. But I will try, with my frail hands, to soothe your pains.

I hope you have accepted the fact that I have loved men before you. And while I am certain that they are left to that chapter in the past, they form the fabric that made me capable to love. Again. Be at peace with your place in my heart. You have it full. You have it whole. You are worth the wait.

I hope that you realize how long I have waited for you. I have fought with myself and many intruders. I have gone through seasons of waiting and wilting, groaning and growing. I am covered in battle scars trying to defend that place in my heart where only your initials fit. And so, I hope that when you decide to take your spot in my life, you have counted the cost. When the need comes, you will let me fight for you.

I hope that the moment you find me, you will gather the courage in your heart, forsaking all fears --- and take me ---as I am, and for all the things I will be.

Not discounting the work of God's grace in my life--- I am worth the wait.

All my love.

Jabez💓