Clueless

I had no idea it wasn’t going to be the last time I would say goodbye

On that cold January afternoon

When my heart was gloomier

Than the rain clouds that were heavy, dark

And could burst with the anger of Niagara

By just a flutter of a dove.

I had no idea that it wasn’t  the last time

I would look at clouds that way

I had no idea Rob Thomas could sing

Until that day

When he kept telling me  I was "Unwell"

And that it was the "Mad Season"

But, I also had no idea that I can be that strong

That I can lift three large luggage with two hands

My heart, the heaviest.

I had no idea that I would not need a warm body beside me

Or that ice cream tastes better than non-fat yoghurt

Or how liberating it is to eat

And actually enjoy it.

I had no idea we could be friends

Or that after years of fruitlessly trying to get rid of you,

I will need you

I had no idea your voice can be comforting

At a time of need

I had no idea it could be you I would need

I had no idea it could be very hard to keep you out

Or that I carved a place in my heart where only your initials fit

I had no idea that after  years, they still fit.

I had no idea that I will make a career out of saying goodbye

Or that I would find exit signs comforting

But I also had no idea that breaking-up was the easiest part

Leaving was the hardest. 

It still is.